Silly America

My horoscope from Sunday:
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You're the kind of adventurer who is willing to sometimes go against the grain in order to experience what only a few people ever do. You're due for another one of your brave escapades.

Takeru Kobayashi, competetive eater extrordinaire

***

Sunday was the biggest hamburger-eating contest of the year: Krystal Square Off V in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I had to work on Saturday in Chicago. So what's a silly American girl to do? Why leave Chicago at midnight and drive through the night, of course!

I arrived in Chattanooga around 11am (Eastern), just in time to grab a prime front row, center spot. Way better vantage point than for Nathan's! No Thunder Sticks in the way of my pics this time! (just photographers and videographers and judges...but that's to be expected.)

The Marshall Tucker Band kept the crowd entertained (in fact, I think there were a few people who came just to see them and left afterwards) and free Krystals were given out to curb my hunger.

Soon enough the contestants arrived to Ross's Landing on their boat and one by one were introduced to the cheering crowd. After they signed a few autographs they were whisked away and the show was about to begin!

First up was the amateur contest: teams of two took the stage to try to eat 12 Krystal burgers in the shortest amount of time. Ben and Brittany Griffith won the contest by eating 12 burgers the fastest...actually I think HE alone ate about 11 and a half or so of them in 12 minutes...

Badlands Booker a competetive eater/rapper came out and performed a few of his awesome songs and then, again, the contestants were all introduced, this time taking the stage for the broadcast.

Cups were set up, filled with water or Kool-Aid or whatever liquid an eater decided they wanted to work with and to dunk their buns in. Pat Bertoletti, my favorite eater (he's a Chicagoan, I'm biased), always uses red juice of some sort that dyes his hands blood red as he eats.

Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut took center spots. Chestnut won last year, breaking the 100 barrier by eating 103. Kobayashi was the previous champion but a jaw injury that year had kept him away. The same jaw injury was blamed for his loss earlier in the year to Chestnut in hot dogs when Chestnut beat him for the first time. Since then he has lost to both Pat and Joey in chicken wings and to six others when he cut out of a turkey-eating contest mid bite due to the recurring injury. From that first time Chestnut did the unthinkable by taking Kobayashi down it seems like every contest is marked by the question, will this be Kobayashi's comeback? Just a week earlier he ate 89 Krystals, a record number amongst qualifiers.

To top that off, last year, Humble Bob Shoudt edged out Pat securing a second-place victory. This year, it could be anybody's game.

The countdown counted down and the clock started and mushed meat and bread made its way from box to mouth to stomach. It was hard to keep track of who was winning. Pat and Joey and Koby and Tim and Bob were all eating strong. Each one seeming to edge out or be close to edging out the competition. Slowly but surely Joey's rate increased and he took a lead, Pat and Kobayashi were close behind though and while it was clear who won when the clock went from one second to zero, second place wasn't so clear.

Behind Kobayashi the counter board displayed 86. Behind Joey 94. And behind Pat 86. Judges conferred, debris was examined, deductions were applied and everyone waited patiently for the results to be announced. And George Shea took the stage to announce the results.

In third place: Takeru Kobayashi with 84 Krystals.

In second place: Patrick Bertoletti with 85 Krystals.

And in first place: Joey Chestnut with 93 Krystals!

The contest was AMAZING, those boys (and girls!) really know how to eat! And by eat I mean shovel food into their mouths. But what was the best part? I finally got to meet my hero, Takeru Kobayashi!

As you drive across America, each city, each state, proudly welcomes you into its borders with some sort of greeting signpost. Many are standard issue billboards announcing the town name or state name, the motto, the population, the fact that their girls softball team won the championships in 1972, that a president was born there, that they are the home of tax free shopping.

Driving down Highway 141 through Iowa you may come across a different type of town marker. Perched at the entrance to Coon Rapids, Iowa, "In the Heart of Corn Country" is a sign not only welcoming you to the fair town, but also displaying a rotating piece of corn so big if you tried to eat it you'd be picking remnants from your teeth for weeks.

Standing at about 10-feet tall this ear of corn slowly rotates as an American flies above it. Talk about genetically modified vegetables!

And in case you don't believe me, here's a video of it rotating!

Site: Large Rotating Ear of Corn
Location: Hwy 141, Coon Rapids, IA
Cost: Free to see.
Hours: Always visible.
Date: September 1, 2008

And I'm back! It was quite the whirlwind of adventure! I have to admit that my list was pretty ambitious, but we managed to make it to twenty-nine attractions in four days! (Including two that weren't on my itinerary and not including the handful that we passed by and saw without being able to stop.)

I DID make it to Mount Rushmore and it was quite a thrill to see it up close. You see, one of my favorite photos that I have is an old black and white picture of the monument that my grandparents took long ago:

Notice something missing? The photo has Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson, but Teddy Roosevelt is just framed out. I'm not sure when the photo was taken but it had to have been somewhere between 1934 and 1939, when Roosevelt was dedicated.

I'd never seen the monument in person, so, as I happened to have a four-day weekend over Labor Day I decided that it was the perfect time to pack up my car and head on over to South Dakota. By Saturday afternoon we were standing in front of the carved Black-Hills Mountain and four complete presidential faces.

While there, I also went to see Crazy Horse, which is another monument that's been in the works for 50 years and still has 50 years to go. Who knows, maybe someday my grandkids will find this photo and be inspired to take off on a road trip of their own.

I'll be back with a more thorough recap and tons of pics of Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, and all the silly sites I stopped at on the way!

Well, Silly Americans it is Labor Day weekend and I have been blessed with four days off in a row. And that can only mean one thing: ROAD TRIP! I'm packing up my car and driving to Mount Rushmore and back! Can you believe I have never before seen four giant presidents carved into the side of a rock live and in person ever before? It's a dream trip for your silly American adventurer! AND there will be sure to be plenty of roadside attractions to see along the way. HOPEFULLY including:

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Catch you on the flip with plenty of photos from Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Nebraska, and Iowa!

Moooo...

or should I say

MOOOO!

I drove through Rockford, Illinois, yesterday and tracked down this big bovine.

The giant cow looks over the children's farm at Lockwood Park. "Gertrude" the cow is fawn/brown with white spots and measures about 21 feet long and 19 feet high.

Site: "Gertrude" the cow
Location: Lockwood Park Trailside Equestrian Centre and Children's Farm, 5201 Safford Rd., Rockford IL 61101
Cost: Free to see.
Hours: The park is open dawn until dusk, year-round.
Date: June 7, 2008

It is a sad day in Silly America. On Friday night, with no warning, the Berwyn Spindle, the car kabob, cars on a spike, was torn down.

All that is left right now is a stump and soon that will be cleared away too to make room for a Walgreens.

From what I've seen and heard the top two cars may have been saved before the rest was ruthlessly chopped down. We'll see if anything ever comes of those.

For now, Silly Americans, we'll bid adieu to our tower of cars. It will be sadly missed.

I've talked about it before...but it's looking more and more official every day.

The Spindle aka cars on a stick aka car kabob will soon be torn down.

Created in 1989 by Dustin Shuler, the Spindle has graced Cermak Plaza in Berwyn, IL for almost as long as I've been alive. The sculpture towers above the parked cars in the lot, showcasing vehicles from the late 60s to early 80s impaled on a 50-foot spike. To me, it's best known as being my first real glimpse of roadside oddities, to others it is probably best known for its cameo in the Wayne's World film.

Unfortunately, the years (and birds) haven't been kind to the sculpture, which has been plagues with rust (and feces) for years. Now, the Spindle has a problem that no mechanic can fix: Walgreens.

Yes, my silly American friends, Berwyn now plans to tear down the iconic kabob to put up a brand new Walgreens. Plans have been in place for a while now, and despite efforts of multiple organizations to save it (it's been estimated that it will take $300,000 to move it), it looks like the Spindles fate is futile.

Alas, in what seems like a last-ditch effort, the Spindle is up on eBay. While I'd hate to see it go from my backyard of Berwyn, it would be nice to think that the cars have found a proper home amongst the roadside attractions of America. So...if you have an extra $150,000 to spare... , bid on!

Site: The Spindle
Location: Cermak Plaza, Cermak and Harlem, Berwyn, IL
Admission: Free to see...$150,000+ to purchase
Date: August 12, 2007

This water tower is happy to live in Atlanta, IL.

Site: Smiley Face Water Tower
Location: Atlanta, Illinois
Cost: Free to see.
Hours: Always visible.
Date: July 15, 2007

When you think of pink feathers in Las Vegas, your first thought is probably a showgirl's headdress. But there is another creature that sports that look on the Las Vegas strip, and it resides in a hotel of the same name: The Flamingo.

So...I have to admit...I kind of refer to the Flamingo as a "nursing home." There's something about the vibe there, mostly the muted color-scheme that reminds me of the Golden Girls. So, if you find yourself there, and maybe, want to get out for a bit, take a step into their courtyard Wildlife Habitat.

The garden is full of foliage imported from around the world and houses over 300 types of birds.

Until recently one of the birds was the penguin, but they have been relocated to the Dallas Zoo.

Now its the Flamingos themselves who truly steal the show at the Wildlife Habitat. And that's probably a good thing because they are the headliners.

Site: Wildlife Habitat at the Flamingo
Location: Flamingo Hotel, 3555 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109
Cost: Free
Hours: Open daily, 24 hours
Date: March 22, 2004; August 9, 2005

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Competitive eating is the best sport ever. And, I'm not afraid to admit, it's one damn silly sport.

Last September I had the immense privilege of celebrating Mexican Independence Day at Plaza Garibaldi watching the "Feel the Heat" Jalapeño Eating Challenge. Here's how the contest went down:

The lineup included Chicago's own Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, Rich "The Locust" LeFevre, Hall "Hoover" Hunt, and Erik The Red Denmark...just to name a few.

Pat downed chocolate milk while being introduced, which is awesome, because you know I always think the best plan of attack to being able to eat a lot is to fill up your stomach beforehand...right?

Then everyone was introduced and the countdown began (in both English and Spanish)...5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

And they were off, within seconds pepper upon pepper (and plenty of milk) were being consumed...

And after a couple of minutes a couple of them totally looked like they were going to have a reversal of fortune (or at least like they had rabies).

And then after six-and-a-half minutes of the eight minute competition...THEY RAN OUT OF PEPPERS!!!!

THEY RAN OUT OF PEPPERS!!!!!

So...they had to cut the contest short. Which is CRAZY because as in any competition there is strategy, and to change the rules in the middle kind of muck things up.

But anyways...

I waited and waited with anticipation as the number of peppers consumed by each contestant was tallied up.

And then...the winners were announced for the truncated six and a half minute competition (It was supposed to be eight)...

In Fourth Place: Hall "The Hoover" Hunt (110):

Chicago's own PAT BERTOLETTI!!!! (191)

Who is now, officially, the jalapeño-eating champion of the world!!!

Stay tuned for more MLE (Major League Eating) coverage as the months go by. There are already a couple I'm planning on going to and I'll be sure to recap all the silly eating adventures!

Event: La Costeña "Feel the Heat" Jalapeño Eating Challenge
Location: Plaza Garibaldi, 2600 S. California Ave., Chicago, IL 60608
Date: Sunday, September 16, 2007