Recently in Competitive Eating Category

My horoscope from Sunday:
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You're the kind of adventurer who is willing to sometimes go against the grain in order to experience what only a few people ever do. You're due for another one of your brave escapades.

Takeru Kobayashi, competetive eater extrordinaire

***

Sunday was the biggest hamburger-eating contest of the year: Krystal Square Off V in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I had to work on Saturday in Chicago. So what's a silly American girl to do? Why leave Chicago at midnight and drive through the night, of course!

I arrived in Chattanooga around 11am (Eastern), just in time to grab a prime front row, center spot. Way better vantage point than for Nathan's! No Thunder Sticks in the way of my pics this time! (just photographers and videographers and judges...but that's to be expected.)

The Marshall Tucker Band kept the crowd entertained (in fact, I think there were a few people who came just to see them and left afterwards) and free Krystals were given out to curb my hunger.

Soon enough the contestants arrived to Ross's Landing on their boat and one by one were introduced to the cheering crowd. After they signed a few autographs they were whisked away and the show was about to begin!

First up was the amateur contest: teams of two took the stage to try to eat 12 Krystal burgers in the shortest amount of time. Ben and Brittany Griffith won the contest by eating 12 burgers the fastest...actually I think HE alone ate about 11 and a half or so of them in 12 minutes...

Badlands Booker a competetive eater/rapper came out and performed a few of his awesome songs and then, again, the contestants were all introduced, this time taking the stage for the broadcast.

Cups were set up, filled with water or Kool-Aid or whatever liquid an eater decided they wanted to work with and to dunk their buns in. Pat Bertoletti, my favorite eater (he's a Chicagoan, I'm biased), always uses red juice of some sort that dyes his hands blood red as he eats.

Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut took center spots. Chestnut won last year, breaking the 100 barrier by eating 103. Kobayashi was the previous champion but a jaw injury that year had kept him away. The same jaw injury was blamed for his loss earlier in the year to Chestnut in hot dogs when Chestnut beat him for the first time. Since then he has lost to both Pat and Joey in chicken wings and to six others when he cut out of a turkey-eating contest mid bite due to the recurring injury. From that first time Chestnut did the unthinkable by taking Kobayashi down it seems like every contest is marked by the question, will this be Kobayashi's comeback? Just a week earlier he ate 89 Krystals, a record number amongst qualifiers.

To top that off, last year, Humble Bob Shoudt edged out Pat securing a second-place victory. This year, it could be anybody's game.

The countdown counted down and the clock started and mushed meat and bread made its way from box to mouth to stomach. It was hard to keep track of who was winning. Pat and Joey and Koby and Tim and Bob were all eating strong. Each one seeming to edge out or be close to edging out the competition. Slowly but surely Joey's rate increased and he took a lead, Pat and Kobayashi were close behind though and while it was clear who won when the clock went from one second to zero, second place wasn't so clear.

Behind Kobayashi the counter board displayed 86. Behind Joey 94. And behind Pat 86. Judges conferred, debris was examined, deductions were applied and everyone waited patiently for the results to be announced. And George Shea took the stage to announce the results.

In third place: Takeru Kobayashi with 84 Krystals.

In second place: Patrick Bertoletti with 85 Krystals.

And in first place: Joey Chestnut with 93 Krystals!

The contest was AMAZING, those boys (and girls!) really know how to eat! And by eat I mean shovel food into their mouths. But what was the best part? I finally got to meet my hero, Takeru Kobayashi!

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Competitive eating is the best sport ever. And, I'm not afraid to admit, it's one damn silly sport.

Last September I had the immense privilege of celebrating Mexican Independence Day at Plaza Garibaldi watching the "Feel the Heat" Jalapeño Eating Challenge. Here's how the contest went down:

The lineup included Chicago's own Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti, Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, Rich "The Locust" LeFevre, Hall "Hoover" Hunt, and Erik The Red Denmark...just to name a few.

Pat downed chocolate milk while being introduced, which is awesome, because you know I always think the best plan of attack to being able to eat a lot is to fill up your stomach beforehand...right?

Then everyone was introduced and the countdown began (in both English and Spanish)...5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

And they were off, within seconds pepper upon pepper (and plenty of milk) were being consumed...

And after a couple of minutes a couple of them totally looked like they were going to have a reversal of fortune (or at least like they had rabies).

And then after six-and-a-half minutes of the eight minute competition...THEY RAN OUT OF PEPPERS!!!!

THEY RAN OUT OF PEPPERS!!!!!

So...they had to cut the contest short. Which is CRAZY because as in any competition there is strategy, and to change the rules in the middle kind of muck things up.

But anyways...

I waited and waited with anticipation as the number of peppers consumed by each contestant was tallied up.

And then...the winners were announced for the truncated six and a half minute competition (It was supposed to be eight)...

In Fourth Place: Hall "The Hoover" Hunt (110):

Chicago's own PAT BERTOLETTI!!!! (191)

Who is now, officially, the jalapeño-eating champion of the world!!!

Stay tuned for more MLE (Major League Eating) coverage as the months go by. There are already a couple I'm planning on going to and I'll be sure to recap all the silly eating adventures!

Event: La Costeña "Feel the Heat" Jalapeño Eating Challenge
Location: Plaza Garibaldi, 2600 S. California Ave., Chicago, IL 60608
Date: Sunday, September 16, 2007

Last Sunday was Krystal Square Off IV in Chattanooga, Tennessee. The Square Off is the only Major League Eating sanctioned burger-eating contest and one of the two largest eating competitions there is. So, of course I was there! I mean, Chattanooga is only a ten hour drive from Chicago...

Did I ever mention that competitive eating is my favorite sport?

I'm going to guess "no" considering that this is only my second entry.

Well then, there is something you should know: competitive eating is my favorite sport.

Period. (Exclamation point.)

This year the world of competitive eating was turned on its head. For years there was one dominant name in the sport, the great "Tsunami" Takeru Kobayashi. He was the undefeated hot-dog eating, hamburger-eating, whatever-else-you-want-to-throw-in-front-of-him eating champion of the world. In fact, he had never before been beaten by a human (although once he was beaten by a bear...but if you youtube up the video it's apparent that if there was a rematch today there is no doubt he'd win...). All of that changed earlier in the year when Kobayashi began to suffer from jaw injuries. Although he did manage to compete at seemingly full-speed in the Fourth of July hot-dog contest at Nathan's, he was edged out by Joey "Jaws" Chestnut and the hot dog crown (or mustard belt) was brought back to America.

Kobayashi was supposed to battle it out at the Krystal Square Off to defend his title and reclaim the number one spot as a competitive eater. However, with persistent injry he decided that it was best to step back, lending the way for the guarantee of a new burger victor.

The real matchup for Krystal Square Off IV would now be between Chestnut and Patrick "Deep Dish" Bertoletti (my personal favorite due to his home base of Chicago and adorable mohawk). Both showed strongly this year, both beat the other this year, both managed to beat Kobayashi this year (weeks ago Pat surprised the world by out eating both Joey and Kobayashi in a Vegas Wing battle). Though Joey was favored to win, it really could have been anyone's burger.

The event started at noon with Free Krystals, games, live music... They gave out free t-shirts, "thunder sticks"(those are these inflatable poles that you bang together to make a thunderous noise, which, btw, I am completely inept at using...), and pompoms. The crowd was a circus of support for the little square burgers and the little not-so-square eaters (seriously, how do people that thin eat that much?)

Spectators lined up along the street waiting for the contestants to arrive via hot little sports cars. All convertibles, except for the one carrying Sonya Thomas who, for some reason, was cramped into a hard top. One by one they were driven down the street and then escorted bunnette-style to their autograph booth where they signed posters, shirts, and skin for adoring fans. Unfortunately their time there was short and only a small fraction got their signatures, as the eaters were rushed backstage to mentally prepare to gorge on the all-beef patty, onion, pickle, mustard, bun combos that awaited them in droves.

The stage show started with the bunnettes (cheer squad meets tally counters) followed by the amateur competition (a race for teams of two beginners to finish twelve burgers between the two of them as quickly as possible.)

And then we waited in anticipation for the burger battle to begin...and waited for the ESPN-televised bowling match to finish so we could get on with our show...

Finally someone somewhere won their bowling match and the real competition could begin...

One by one the competitors took their positions:
 The fry bread eating champion of the world.
  The Houdini of cuisine.
   Acivil engineer by trade but an eater by disposition.
    The birthday-cake eating spam-eating champion of the world.
     A teenage mutant ninja turtle.
      The cheese cake eating hard boiled egg eating champion of the world.
       The shoo-fly pie eating champion of the world
        The one whose true identity is concealed by a painted mask.
         The ice cream eating key lime pie eating chocolate eating champion of the world.
          The number one ranked eater in the world.

They took their places, prepping their Krystal cups with water or fruit punch or Crystal Light or whatever their beverage du jour happened to be. They were prepared to follow the rules of the game. Separating the burgers is allowed and dunking the burgers is allowed and they'd have eight minutes to eat as many Krystal steamers as they could.

And then. The Countdown.

10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1

And the eaters were off. The numbers shot up immediately as eat gurgitator stuffed soaking burgers and buns into their esophagus, shook them down, and grabbed another. Within two minutes some of the eaters had consumed almost forty. The pacing of intake for any of the eaters was nothing short of amazing. The burgers were wet, some reddened with Kool-Aid. All had particles dripping from their mouths. Joey and Pat were right up there along with an underdog: "Humble" Bob Shoudt, a vegetarian who only eats meat in competition.

And holy processed cow meat! With 30 seconds left to go Joey ate his 98th burger, breaking the previous record of 97. With twenty seconds on the clock he reached the seemingly impossible, he reached 100. For the last twenty seconds his pace slowed as he seemed to stop taking food and instead chose to take in the moment. He had it in the bag.

Pat "Deep Dish" Bertoletti tragically ended up in third with 94 and "Humble" Bob came seemingly out of nowhere to capture second with 95. But 103 put Chestnut on the map showed that he deserves the number one spot.

Who knows, maybe Joey could even eat more hamburgers than a bear.

And that was the Krystal Square Off, one of many IFOCE events throughout the year and something that every Silly American should witness, whether you catch it on ESPN, watch a small-town hero at a county fair, or crazily take a ten-hour road trip to witness eating history.

Event: Krystal Square Off IV
Location: Ross's Landing, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Date: October 28, 2007